MR. SNIFFLES: Damn You National Geographic And Your Awesome Videos

I'm very worried about my work cat Mr Sniffles. Years ago, we had to hire undercover maids to steal him from old man McAllister, our next door neighbor. It was based on the obvious notion that the cat himself was allergic to him or something in that rundown house.The maids left a BOGO coupon on his door involving getting his armadillo skin hammock tidied of the fall leaves for just  $467.89 and having his bed made.
At the end of the day, he'd only be out $709 with a presentable hammock and a neat bed to sleep in...a deal he couldn't turn down. As he was distracted by a passing low flying pheasant, one of the quite well built maids clocked him over the head with a metallic broom dazing him momentarily. The other three cornered the cat and doused his face with Lunesta spray to render him helpless and minimize the trauma that came with the extraction.
It wasn't too long before we realized we had just made a quite regrettable mistake..reprehensible really.  It turns out the cat's sniffles were caused by a malformed palate which would be too risky to correct through surgery. By now, it was too late to right the mistake and the maids could not be reached. We figured the old man would probably forgive us, but why risk it?
Anyway, Mr Sniffles likes to get out especially in these nice sunny days. He tends to pick fights with random critters who largely twice outsize him. He'll try to creep up behind his quarry (like he sees the leopards do on NATGEO), but then his stealth gets blown when he unwittingly has a bout of  epic sneezing.  The intended victim will turn around startled and you can see his face break into an evil sneer when he sees who's trying to hunt him. Just when all seems lost, Mr Sniffles will pull out a miniature Uzi and annihilate whomever it might be.
My main worry is that one of these days, that Uzi will jam...or he'll end up killing a royal member of the Hampton Ridge raccoons.. The king there rules with an iron fist paw and is known to be quite vengeful.



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