Environmentalist Warmongers Heartbroken by Tragedy

The solar powered F-38 that the Pentagon has been keeping secret  from the public met an ill-fated end this afternoon. Repeatedly decorated Cpt. Matt Spillet was flying the environmentally friendly WMD carrier over the Marloborough Air Force base when everything seemed to go awry. The jet spontaneously burst into flames sending deadly jets of fireballs across the sky and frying some frolicking crows in their wake. Sadly, none of the very hard to find components could be salvaged. Cpt Spillet's mistresses have all been alerted by his First Mate/
confidant/ periodical sex partner that he was able to eject safely unscathed..so they need not worry. As for his wife, Liberty Mutual finally got back to her with the sad news so she does need to worry as his $2 million Life Insurance policy cannot be claimed under the circumstances.
NTSB finally got clearance from the Middlesex County Corporal and their preliminary findings point an accusatory finger at global warming.  Fondly nicknamed the "Solar Slayer", the plane's concept was first designed in 2012 and the engineers never accounted for too much sun 4 years later resulting in a main batter power surge.